T to niece

I agree, Santa is kind of creepy when he's turned on.

Chao's mother

I have to use my hands to get it off sometimes.

Chao's Mother

Funny. In that picture, it looks like you have a chin strap on.

Chao's Father

Whoa, you're getting kind of excited there. Make sure you have your strap on.

Trash

I sucked the last little bit off the teabag.

M.Edium

Wait. Let me turn around. It will be better.

The Art Institute of Chicago

Overheard while waiting to purchase tickets.

"You know me and how I like to be anally clean."

Trey-lo

Amy's married now so she won't go down.

M.Edium

It's a strap-on!

Vonnegurl

EyeHeartPizza

That was hard. His stick was flying everywhere.

Vendor at work

Wow. That's a big 'ole tool you've got...

said by me, to my wife

"Yeah, the longer it gets, the harder it is to manage."

(a neighbor is finally mowing his lawn after three weeks of growth)

HotGirlsDad

I didn't look around much while I was there. I was too busy eating sausage.

Chao's mom

I'll be in and out all day

Callous-un

I better ease you in.

Minideb

It's so thick!

M.Edium

Swing your thing and then hit it!

M.Edium

I'm trying to find the other hole

EJens

If you want to pull off the little boy from Where the Wild Things Are, don't shave the 'stash.

Coworker before a meeting

Thats not the first time I've gotten him wet. It happens in the lab all the time.

An email from Callous-un

I needed a sign for the back door b/c staff keep trying to go through it, but they are meant to enter through the front.

Teammate at Quiz Night to the that evening's Host

Hold it by the shaft, not the tip.

Girl who sits behind me at work

I didn't have to do anything. Just lay there. And it was louder than it usually is.

Sintern

Not to be crude, but I have tea bags if you want.

JVB

If I take it all the way off, it's just going to squirt in my face.

another hot girl at work

I've never seen one that big.

Border dirtiness

Chao's Boss

It's so little. I thought it would be longer.

Found outside of work

M.Edium bought this as a gift for grandma

M.Giant

You got most of it in!

Trash

That was like four hundred pounds of sausage and I ate it all.

HotGirlsBrother

Look how much bigger your snifter is than mine.

Its rosier than mine.

Breakfast

"Don't close that box up because I am probably going to have more."

RPM

Don't choke it and don't touch the rim.

Trash

Just pull it out!

TheDoctor

Oh, you've got a dick. Sorry.

TheDoctor

Just find the notch in it.

TheDoctor

Her mosquito bites went away

Saving Suzie's Hole

From a Lancaster, PA newspaper article called "Saving Suzie's Hole". Here are some winning quotes, and I'm not making this up...

"You might see otters, mink, deer and beavers."

"All the more reason to be saddened and angry that the gorge has become party-central and abused in the last year, unleashing such a rash of ongoing ill behavior that some families and longtime fans of the wild spot have been scared away."

"There has been intermittent mis-use of the gorge for decades, but that the last year has been the worst."

"'They come in here and raise hell,' adds Henry"

"Southern Regional Police can't provide the almost daily monitoring it would take to catch violators."

"On his tour with me, he used a grabber to pluck and fill four plastic grocery bags with beer and soda cans, plastic water bottles, towels, cigarette packs, a t-shirt and a tampon."

"The spot seems to have become a favorite get-away spot with high school and college students."

"Hikers, dog walkers, anglers, hunters, birdwatchers and those seeking a dose of solitude are those losing out."

"'It's basically selfish people versus unselfish people,' sighs Resh. 'I've heard more than one say they've written it off because of all the problems.'"

"The gorge has always attracted its share of notoriety. In the 1970s, skinny-dipping and streaking were commonplace."

"The chute of whitewater that gushes through narrow boulders, known as "The Washing Machine" or "Suzie's Hole," has seen its share of injuries."

"'People don't consume drinks early in the morning,' says Burkhart. 'It's beautiful here and I think it's a bit of a shame that people who are coming here for perfectly innocent reasons kind of miss out on it because if they're here and if someone else is doing something illegal, it's kind of guilt by association and you're asked to leave.'"

"As we talk, about a dozen teens recently graduated from area high schools begin to arrive. Most are carrying just towels and water bottles. But one man jauntily bounces down the trail hoisting a white Styrofoam cooler."

Chicken Little

Its longer now but either way its good for pulling.

Getting some meat

Lady friend to me as I was parking before going into restaurant.

"You know if you back in then it might make it easier to pull out."

HotGirlsBrother

Do you want me in front or in back?

K-Staub

I'm always open to trying other locations.

Trash

I was talking to my brother and I didn't get off in time.




ewww......

Hot girl from work

Can I do all of you?

Delta Force Commander

I'm not as young as I used to be...I can't take three or four at a time anymore

In-Nate

What am I going to do with this thing? It's slimy. It smells.

Delta Force Commander during the seatbelt incident

It won't stay in. I'll have to hold it.

FireRetarded during the seatbelt incident

You've got to push it in harder

FireRetarded during the seatbelt incident

It's so small. It must be Japanese

Delta Force Commander to Chao

How did you get this big one?

Delta Force Commander to FireRetarded

You always get it all wet

K-Staub

All I need are these buns

Other bad movie guy to Delta Force Commander

So what if we take those buttons off?

Trash to M.Giant

You're going to take it all out?

Trash to M.Edium

Backdoor! Now!

Imposter Jess

There's a pickle in there. That makes me happy.

Trash's sister-in-law squared

White crested black cock

Trash's preggo sister

They can shoot out their pricks six feet

Trash's preggo sister

That's a lot of work for two minutes of fun

Chao (don't ask)

I'll shove that in a hole.

Chao's Co-worker

"Why did you put it in so far? Is there a way to not have to put it in so far?"

Co-worker after giving blood

"He didn't get it in quite right at first and had to fiddle around with it. Then he had to pull it out a couple of times. It feels a little bruised now."

M. Edium, my 4 yr old

Wow, that's a loooong shuttle.

Queen Rachael said...

"Grab onto the rack and hang on..."

Really?

In DC

Enough said.

During a Meeting

Tammy seems to be fascinated by my snake.

One Boss to Another Boss

Boss 1-I don't have real thick ones
Boss 2-Well I'll start with 1 inch and go up from there if I need to.

Chao's Boss

I didn't think it would be this hard.

Me to my boss

"Do you want me to get in front of you and guide you in?"

I swear we were trying to navigate something heavy around corners.

Callous-un's friend

"I like the big ones."

At the Korean drumming concert

Girl at Chao's Work

She's not going to bite on that!

baseball jargon

i don't think i have this one verbatim, so if anyone else saw the horrible cubs loss last night (they had a 5-0 lead AND a no-hitter going into the 7th, but lost 6-5 in the 12th inning), maybe you caught this gem...


Bob Brenly, 2nd or 3rd inning:
"he's gotta try to lay that lead pipe slider right down the hole."

Chao

I didn't even take it out last year.

Chao

How wide do we want to open this up?

Schnuck's Grocery Store

Enjoy the Sweet Taste of Summer Melons.

A fun, hands-on way to discover a wide selection of specialty and exotic melon varieties.

matt's in-laws are over...

my wife is breastfeeding our daughter on our back porch. she and her mom are talking about the plants & flowers in the garden. my mother in-law:
"well, just fill up your 2 milk jugs with miracle grow."


...she didn't even notice what she said.

Peaches

Wait! Let me swallow first.

Peaches' Mother-in-Law

I've got a hole for you!

Chao

I just need to keep cranking on it.

DawgMan

Give her 5 seconds, then it's ok to take it off.

Coach

If they are bite-sized then I should not have to avoid bone.

Chao's Boss

We pay extra for that.

Chao's Mom

He's fine down there. He doesn't need a lot of room.

Chao

Just push it in until you're comfortable

Callous-un

I'm pretty sure I won't be able to be twisted enough for your requirements

Chicken Little's friends converse on facebook...

friend 1:
Bought a maternity bathing suit that looks like a large pink tent.

friend 2:
SEXY!!!! Please post pics of you in it!!

friend 1:
I would, but my camera does not have a wide angle lense. (sic)

friend 2:
Nice! Guess I'm left with my own imagination then! When is this little squirt coming out?

friend 1:
Seven more weeks!

Chao

I'm glad you left it in there

Chao

My apologies for the length of this thing...

Chao's Father

I didn’t open my taco. That’s living adventurously.