Monday, January 9, 2017

"No, I only allow visitors in my back door."

-kids yesterday, playing in their tent.
When I was throwing it in there on Friday, she was constantly pointing out things I missed and could have done better.

Friday, December 16, 2016

"Let's all decorate mom with sticky stuff on her face!"
(I'm eating a breakfast of biscuits with honey, and sausage with syrup, and I lean in to kiss her goodbye. She then leans in to kiss our youngest goodbye, and almost gets syrup on her hair.)

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Need help accessing the back end

"try to figure out what's up with my non-access to the back end."

Friday, March 11, 2016

All Day Long

"Do I leave it in all day long? .... I'm not sure I know what to do with it."

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Turn Ons

"Do I need to stick it in before I turn it on?"

Sunday, December 20, 2015

my 4 year old's chaffed hands

"No, not there... see the pink and red parts? rub it THERE."

Thursday, September 11, 2014

"Put it in your mouth; don't play with it." Me, during dinner, on a 4-day stretch of single daddying while mom was off on a work trip.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Friday, January 13, 2012

Trash, to me, giving advice on a puzzle-based computer game: "Just spread them apart and you'll get something good down there."

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

stick the pin

Overheard at work: “I don’t want you to stick it in. I want you to pin it to the front.”


My wife: “I’ve had people try to give me a facial before, and I usually just break out afterwards.”

Friday, August 12, 2011


"I'm going to wait until it hardens and then take a taste."

Thursday, July 7, 2011

to my 2.5 year old daughter...

"It's got some hair around the rim now, so just give me a second."

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Second Trash quote during a meeting

I'm not a member, so I couldn't get all the way in.

Trash quote during a meeting

I will get you access to the back end...

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Random guy in random meeting at work

It's been a hose in the mouth...

Friday, January 21, 2011

M.Edium 2.5

...then I can figure out why it's so hard.

M.Edium 2

Maybe if I wait until it isn't wet, then I can open it.

M.Edium 1

I feel something hard in it...

Monday, October 4, 2010

Chao's boss in another meeting

I am doing things to the back end ...

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Trash at the restaurant

He keeps coming everytime I put something in my mouth.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Monday, August 2, 2010

furries? furries.

my wife has a collection of stuffed animal dogs called "Le Mutt"s. our daughter asked something about them, and all i heard my wife say was "yup - those are my furry friends; momma has a lot of friends in the furry world."

Monday, June 14, 2010

Random txt from trash

Is the hole that big now?

Thursday, June 10, 2010


"You actually have to get some in your mouth to taste it"

Saturday, May 29, 2010


I like things that are pink.

My mom



Is this big enough?


How big do I need to blow it?

My mom

You blow it, I will tie it.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Trash at dinner

Every book you read, you get to touch it longer.

M.Edium at dinner

Just whip it around the truck and then lick it.

Monday, March 15, 2010

5th day as a mailman

"The slot is kind of thin, and I couldn't get it all in at once."

i almost said something about it cutting up my finger, but i had already realized how awful my words had sounded.

Friday, January 15, 2010

feeding the daughter breakfast

me, while spoon-feeding our toddler daughter gerber cereal from a jar:

"i can't do all the work; you have to use your mouth to get it all."

so very wrong.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Callous-un's friend Cindy

There isn't any hidden meat in there, right?

Saturday, January 2, 2010

My nephew told me a guy in church said this...

As long as you're not on the bush, you're good.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

T to niece

I agree, Santa is kind of creepy when he's turned on.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Chao's mother

I have to use my hands to get it off sometimes.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Chao's Mother

Funny. In that picture, it looks like you have a chin strap on.

Chao's Father

Whoa, you're getting kind of excited there. Make sure you have your strap on.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


I sucked the last little bit off the teabag.

Saturday, October 17, 2009


Wait. Let me turn around. It will be better.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Art Institute of Chicago

Overheard while waiting to purchase tickets.

"You know me and how I like to be anally clean."

Saturday, October 10, 2009


Amy's married now so she won't go down.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


It's a strap-on!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Friday, September 18, 2009


That was hard. His stick was flying everywhere.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Vendor at work

Wow. That's a big 'ole tool you've got...

Sunday, August 30, 2009

said by me, to my wife

"Yeah, the longer it gets, the harder it is to manage."

(a neighbor is finally mowing his lawn after three weeks of growth)