Chao's boss in another meeting

I am doing things to the back end ...

Trash at the restaurant

He keeps coming everytime I put something in my mouth.

Chao's boss during a department meeting

I just need your head.

furries? furries.

my wife has a collection of stuffed animal dogs called "Le Mutt"s. our daughter asked something about them, and all i heard my wife say was "yup - those are my furry friends; momma has a lot of friends in the furry world."

Random txt from trash

Is the hole that big now?

Trash

"You actually have to get some in your mouth to taste it"

Toach

I like things that are pink.

My mom

NOT IN THE FACE!!!

Coach

Is this big enough?

Coach

How big do I need to blow it?

My mom

You blow it, I will tie it.

Trash at dinner

Every book you read, you get to touch it longer.

M.Edium at dinner

Just whip it around the truck and then lick it.

5th day as a mailman

"The slot is kind of thin, and I couldn't get it all in at once."

i almost said something about it cutting up my finger, but i had already realized how awful my words had sounded.

feeding the daughter breakfast

me, while spoon-feeding our toddler daughter gerber cereal from a jar:

"i can't do all the work; you have to use your mouth to get it all."

so very wrong.

Callous-un's friend Cindy

There isn't any hidden meat in there, right?

My nephew told me a guy in church said this...

As long as you're not on the bush, you're good.