5th day as a mailman

"The slot is kind of thin, and I couldn't get it all in at once."

i almost said something about it cutting up my finger, but i had already realized how awful my words had sounded.

feeding the daughter breakfast

me, while spoon-feeding our toddler daughter gerber cereal from a jar:

"i can't do all the work; you have to use your mouth to get it all."

so very wrong.

Callous-un's friend Cindy

There isn't any hidden meat in there, right?

My nephew told me a guy in church said this...

As long as you're not on the bush, you're good.

T to niece

I agree, Santa is kind of creepy when he's turned on.

Chao's mother

I have to use my hands to get it off sometimes.

Chao's Mother

Funny. In that picture, it looks like you have a chin strap on.

Chao's Father

Whoa, you're getting kind of excited there. Make sure you have your strap on.

Trash

I sucked the last little bit off the teabag.

M.Edium

Wait. Let me turn around. It will be better.

The Art Institute of Chicago

Overheard while waiting to purchase tickets.

"You know me and how I like to be anally clean."

Trey-lo

Amy's married now so she won't go down.

M.Edium

It's a strap-on!

Vonnegurl

EyeHeartPizza

That was hard. His stick was flying everywhere.

Vendor at work

Wow. That's a big 'ole tool you've got...

said by me, to my wife

"Yeah, the longer it gets, the harder it is to manage."

(a neighbor is finally mowing his lawn after three weeks of growth)

HotGirlsDad

I didn't look around much while I was there. I was too busy eating sausage.

Chao's mom

I'll be in and out all day

Callous-un

I better ease you in.

Minideb

It's so thick!

M.Edium

Swing your thing and then hit it!

M.Edium

I'm trying to find the other hole

EJens

If you want to pull off the little boy from Where the Wild Things Are, don't shave the 'stash.

Coworker before a meeting

Thats not the first time I've gotten him wet. It happens in the lab all the time.

An email from Callous-un

I needed a sign for the back door b/c staff keep trying to go through it, but they are meant to enter through the front.

Teammate at Quiz Night to the that evening's Host

Hold it by the shaft, not the tip.

Girl who sits behind me at work

I didn't have to do anything. Just lay there. And it was louder than it usually is.

Sintern

Not to be crude, but I have tea bags if you want.

JVB

If I take it all the way off, it's just going to squirt in my face.

another hot girl at work

I've never seen one that big.

Border dirtiness

Chao's Boss

It's so little. I thought it would be longer.

Found outside of work

M.Edium bought this as a gift for grandma

M.Giant

You got most of it in!

Trash

That was like four hundred pounds of sausage and I ate it all.

HotGirlsBrother

Look how much bigger your snifter is than mine.

Its rosier than mine.

Breakfast

"Don't close that box up because I am probably going to have more."

RPM

Don't choke it and don't touch the rim.

Trash

Just pull it out!

TheDoctor

Oh, you've got a dick. Sorry.

TheDoctor

Just find the notch in it.

TheDoctor

Her mosquito bites went away

Saving Suzie's Hole

From a Lancaster, PA newspaper article called "Saving Suzie's Hole". Here are some winning quotes, and I'm not making this up...

"You might see otters, mink, deer and beavers."

"All the more reason to be saddened and angry that the gorge has become party-central and abused in the last year, unleashing such a rash of ongoing ill behavior that some families and longtime fans of the wild spot have been scared away."

"There has been intermittent mis-use of the gorge for decades, but that the last year has been the worst."

"'They come in here and raise hell,' adds Henry"

"Southern Regional Police can't provide the almost daily monitoring it would take to catch violators."

"On his tour with me, he used a grabber to pluck and fill four plastic grocery bags with beer and soda cans, plastic water bottles, towels, cigarette packs, a t-shirt and a tampon."

"The spot seems to have become a favorite get-away spot with high school and college students."

"Hikers, dog walkers, anglers, hunters, birdwatchers and those seeking a dose of solitude are those losing out."

"'It's basically selfish people versus unselfish people,' sighs Resh. 'I've heard more than one say they've written it off because of all the problems.'"

"The gorge has always attracted its share of notoriety. In the 1970s, skinny-dipping and streaking were commonplace."

"The chute of whitewater that gushes through narrow boulders, known as "The Washing Machine" or "Suzie's Hole," has seen its share of injuries."

"'People don't consume drinks early in the morning,' says Burkhart. 'It's beautiful here and I think it's a bit of a shame that people who are coming here for perfectly innocent reasons kind of miss out on it because if they're here and if someone else is doing something illegal, it's kind of guilt by association and you're asked to leave.'"

"As we talk, about a dozen teens recently graduated from area high schools begin to arrive. Most are carrying just towels and water bottles. But one man jauntily bounces down the trail hoisting a white Styrofoam cooler."

Chicken Little

Its longer now but either way its good for pulling.

Getting some meat

Lady friend to me as I was parking before going into restaurant.

"You know if you back in then it might make it easier to pull out."

HotGirlsBrother

Do you want me in front or in back?

K-Staub

I'm always open to trying other locations.

Trash

I was talking to my brother and I didn't get off in time.




ewww......