said by me, to my wife

"Yeah, the longer it gets, the harder it is to manage."

(a neighbor is finally mowing his lawn after three weeks of growth)

HotGirlsDad

I didn't look around much while I was there. I was too busy eating sausage.

Chao's mom

I'll be in and out all day

Callous-un

I better ease you in.

Minideb

It's so thick!

M.Edium

Swing your thing and then hit it!

M.Edium

I'm trying to find the other hole

EJens

If you want to pull off the little boy from Where the Wild Things Are, don't shave the 'stash.

Coworker before a meeting

Thats not the first time I've gotten him wet. It happens in the lab all the time.

An email from Callous-un

I needed a sign for the back door b/c staff keep trying to go through it, but they are meant to enter through the front.

Teammate at Quiz Night to the that evening's Host

Hold it by the shaft, not the tip.

Girl who sits behind me at work

I didn't have to do anything. Just lay there. And it was louder than it usually is.

Sintern

Not to be crude, but I have tea bags if you want.

JVB

If I take it all the way off, it's just going to squirt in my face.

another hot girl at work

I've never seen one that big.